Tuesday, 12 January 2010

Craigslist: Haunted Paranormal Ghost Guitar - $5000 (Upper West Side)


This guitar advertised on Craig's List has been brought to my attention by Guitarz reader Ken. I reproduce the text of the listing here unedited in full and without comment:
This singular guitar came into my possession quite by accident, and has spooked me enough that I want to get rid of it. I'm quite confident, however, that this ghoulish guitar would be fine for someone more in tune with the tenebrous forces of the malevolent netherworld. I, however, have little knowledge of such things, and prefer not to meddle with the morbid mysteries of the macabre.

Here's what I know, and what I've been told...

A kid that lived on my street when I was growing up was rumored to be into devil worship, seances, Aleister Crowley, Black Magic, and other dark endeavors of the Spirit World. (Strangely, despite the youth's somewhat dweebish appearance, he was quite popular: Guys in the neighborhood wanted to be him; girls thought they could change him...)

His mother (a propagating practitioner of the Pagan Arts) informed me that the neophyte necromancer was born in June of '66, and died tragically on Halloween, October 31, 1979, when he was just thirteen years old. (His death has never been solved, but the calamitous kid was found lying on his bed with THIS GUITAR draped across him, apparently electrocuted, even though this is an acoustic guitar! Additionally, when the damnable corpse of this soulless stooge of Satan was eventually discovered, a 45 record of Blue Oyster Cult's "Don't Fear the Reaper" was playing repeatedly on the Mephistophelean moppet's GE Wildcat record changer!! A Swanson TV Dinner--turkey, with all the fixin's--remained uneaten, while the air was thick with the acrid smell of sulfur emanating from some perverse potion the young hellion had been mixing with his Li'l Gilbert Chemistry Set. The licentious lad's Farrah Fawcett Swimsuit Poster mockingly stared down upon the dead boy, as if to say, "See you in hell, Buster!" Somewhere, a dog barked.)

Years later, I ran into the defunct boy's mother, and when I told her that I was a professional guitarist, she offered me her devilish, daisy-pushin' son's git-fiddle.

Since I've owned this guitar I've heard the strings discordantly ring out, despite no one being near the guitar. Further, on three occasions I put the guitar in my bedroom closet, only to find the guitar on my bed when I returned home (and I live alone!). The final straw occurred when I saw the guitar levitate out of the trash can I had somberly placed it in.

So for those of you brave enough to tamper with the Spirit World, I offer you this unique guitar (which appears to date from the late 1950’s to early ’60’s. Satan has apparently stricken the brand name decal from the headstock of the guitar, but it might be a Harmony. My expertise lies more with vintage and custom shop Gibson and Fender instruments, particularly the Les Paul, Telecaster, and Stratocaster models). I've enclosed several frightening representations of this guitar that have appeared in my dreams, as well as a photo of the deceased original owner.

And to the buyer of this ghastly guitar, congratulations, though please use EXTREME CAUTION when conjuring the phantasmic spirits that seem to be channeled through this eerie instrument!
G L Wilson

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